put the “me” back in “home”

Well Helllllllllllooooooooo! Are you an OG MTD subscriber? Or are you new around these parts? You might have noticed my brand new look and I don’t know about you, but I’m HERE FOR IT. I didn’t know a website could be this beautiful or fun or magical. Did you see the Shop My Vintage link? Did you see the Shop My Projects link? You didn’t??? I’ll give you a minute — I can hold your purse. Go go. I’ll sit here and watch The Little Mermaid. Are you excited for the Disney remake? I kinda am…

If you’ve been following me on IG, then you also know I’ve been doing some heavy self-exploration this week. And I mean HEAVY. In case you can’t tell, I’ve been in therapy for years and while it has been extremely helpful, actually sitting down and proclaiming “I’m working on self-advocacy this week” cut through all the BS.

Firstly, I discovered a lot of cool things about myself. By speaking up for myself and saying how I feel, I started feeling more confident. I really truly feel better able to combat negativity and stand my own ground. Sure my designs are very confident and bold, but that’s only because in real life I am not at all any of those things. In fact, I’m pretty shy. I live a pretty unconventional life, but that’s as far as my bravery goes. I use my interiors to play out my inner monologue and story. Because I was able to clear the air and just express my inner-thoughts, however unpopular they were, I found myself able to breath. Now, I feel like I don’t have to apologize constantly for being different. What a relief! Now my insides are matching up more with my personality I present to the outside and my interior design.

As a by-product, doing this also highlighted who is NOT on my side and who is. That was a big breakthrough, too, honestly. People who care about my feelings and respect me will always want hear what I have to say. Those who have trouble and get upset by that, well, they don’t need to be in my life.

I know, I know, it took me 40 years to figure that out. But hey, better late than never!!

You may be asking yourself — okay, what does this all have to do with interior design and I’m getting there, I promise. In fact, let’s just get there now:

know thyself

Have you ever noticed that most interesting and cool people you know often have the most interesting homes? Their coolness just seems to eminate from within and blossom wherever they go. That’s because these special unicorns have done the work to get to know themselves. It’s not that their ideas are popular or beautiful or even people-pleasing.

In fact, even if their lives are seemingly normal, they have figured out what works best for them. So if everyone is wearing blue, they might wear green because they feel THAT color works best for them. They do not fall for trends (although they aren’t afraid to use trends and then reinvent them for themselves). They are AUTHENTIC.

And being authentic is a truly rare place to be in. That’s why their homes are always so, so cool. They don’t just buy whatever is trendy at the moment. They have thought of every object very carefully and assessed what it means to them. And they’re not afraid to look stupid, or try new things or fall flat on their face because they are not afraid of growth. That’s my version of a cool person, anyway. She kinda sounds like me….

So how do we cut through all the BS, so to speak? How do I reinvent what could be possibly the most consumer-driven, trend-inducing self-expression there is, aside from the fashion and beauty industry?

By asking a shit load of questions.

Am i a maximalist or minimalist?

I never understood why maximalism and minimalism seem to be trends. It’s like asking someone if they turn the TV on or off when they enter a room. You’re either one or the other, and no amount of Domino mag interior styling porn is going to change that.

The easiest way to figure this out about yourself is to look at this picture below for more than 45 seconds. Time yourself even.

What did you do in those 45 seconds? Did you breathe a sigh of relief not having to look at yet another stimulus? If the answer is “Yes” go immediately down to the section titled “Now stick with it.” It’s ok, no one is judging you. Least of all me. Like the age old, dog-with-a-bone, grass-is-greener, curly-hair-vs-straight dilemma, I wish I had minimalist tendencies. I wish. Life would be so much simpler.

But if you saw that blank wall and wanted to immediately paint it, wallpaper it and cover it with stuff, than you may be a maximalist.

It’s that easy. We can’t fight our natural tendencies. If you truly know how your mind works, then don’t fight it. You’ll only be hurting yourself, baby.

Go-with-the-flow vs. plan-everything

For those of you who watched this last season of White Lotus on HBO, how much did you love Jennifer Coolidge??? During the cast interviews at the end of each episode, the interviewer asked each person:

“What’s your vacation style? Go-with-the-flow or schedule everything?”. This is a pretty simple question because there is no judgment in either answer. Anyone who answered “Plan Everything” did not feel like they were less-than for answering that way, and similarly with “Go-with-the-flow”. It’s just a way of judging how one deals with life and fun.

Contrary to what you might believe, I am a “Plan Everything” girl. I fear that if I don’t have anything planned, my time will be wasted. In fact, not having a plan gives me extreme anxiety even.

What does this have to do with interior design (I ask you to ask me that a lot, don’t I?). Well, if you’re here than you answered that you might be a maximalist. But there are different types of maximalists. There are the collection, go--crazy with decor, exuberant maximalists. And then there are the very controlled, curated and measured maximalist. You can kinda guess which one I might be. But which one are you?

Or maybe it’s better said visually:

Obviously I love my own design, but I love Pixie’s as well because that is HER.

But they are both MAXIMALIST. Just different versions of the same concept. So now, if you’ve answered my questions very honestly, you will know if you’re a minimalist, a go-with-the-flow maximalist or a plan-everything maximalist.

You may have already heard of Cluttercore. Let’s just agree to call this what this is. Another design trend.

i do believe i saw that ufo

There are those that believe that we are alone in the universe and that aliens do not exist. They just cannot fathom any life form would be advanced enough, based on Einstein’s theory of relativity, to create a time machine and travel to earth. The facts are just too insurmountable. Modern science cannot accommodate this theory!

There are those that believe aliens have visited us from afar and that they are mostly non-violent and just really, really curious about us. The universe is a vast place, and it seems impossible that we would be alone in it.

And then there those that believe that UFOs and aliens are, in fact, future hominids visiting from the future. They have evolved into beings that look vaguely similar to us and have found a way to travel light years through space and time to “check in” on their ancestors. Much like when we present-day humans go to the Natural History Museum.

My point is… there are different degrees of open-mindedness and all are ok. There are no answers to the question whether aliens exist, but how we think about it really does matter. Namely, how open minded are you?

I went to Thailand after I graduated and I made it my mission to eat everything that was new and different, no matter how crazy it looked. I can’t say I LOVED everything, but I certainly had fun guessing and keeping an open mind! And never once got sick. You can put me in the “aliens are future humans” camp.

As such, I love trying new things. I love decorating with unusual items and relish the creativity it takes to design with unconventional materials. That’s my jam. And believe me, this is not a flex. I’m evolved enough to know that different people have different speeds.

If you’re of the first two camps, you might feel more comfortable decorating with traditional items and with traditional colors. That is ok!!!! Please believe me when I say this. I am not here to shame anyone into thinking they have to paint their entire house chartreuse in order for me to respect them or think their home is beautiful.

To some, decorating with leather jacket and sombreros and shiny mirror helmets and giant dragons is. just. too. crazy. And it kinda is. But I would feel crazy NOT to decorate with these things once I know they exist. In fact the more unusual the BETTER!!!! And if you know this about yourself, do yourself a favor and go thrifting often. You will find the coolest, weirdest stuff and for not a lot of $$. You just have to keep an open mind. Or not. Keep your mind open, however you see fit.

Motorcyle Helmet

Stick With it

Welcome back, minimalists! Thanks for jumping ahead. Although I still think there are things you can learn from the paragraphs above.

…But for those of you have followed along…

Haven’t I just literally broken down all the BS that comes with interior design pressure? “Do this because it will stand the test-of-time”. “New kitchen cabinet trends”! “All designers swear by this color.” And yes I’ve participated in some of this tom-foolery. And sure there are tons more questions I can ask (if you haven’t booked me yet and taken my style quiz, you’ll know this to be true).

But for now, those are the core questions I always ask. How maximalist/minimalist are you? Are you go-with-the-flow or plan-everything? And how open-minded are you? Really answer these things honestly.

When you’re really honest with yourself, you’ll find all these trends and fads are just that. I think people are just looking for quick answers to make themselves and their homes feel better. And that leads me to this:

The more your home reflects you, the more it will feel like home. And not the imaginary, magical homes of our childhoods but the homes we created. The REAL home. The place that reflects your values, your feelings, your true behavior. And it is a place where there is no shame being these things. If you’re a traditionalist, no crazy new fad will make you feel refreshed and happy. And if you’re a madwoman, like me, than no amount of subdued, “conventional” decor will make you feel normal. We are all just built different.

You can now ignore all of these things and just listen to one thing: yourself. Put the “me” back in ho/me (and if you read that like HOMEY like I did, then more power to you.).

And if you’re having trouble doing that and there are too many factors and questions you don’t know how to ask yourself, please LET ME HELP YOU!