stop trying to be prefect
It’s hard to admit this but… I’m not perfect. I know what you’re thinking — the stylist who has done her bedroom three or four times in less than three years is not perfect? Doth my eyes deceive me? Yes. Well, no they don’t deceive you. Yes, I’m not perfect.
But it’s actually quite common in the interior design world for the designer to be just as indecisive with their own projects as their clients are with theirs. In fact, I have it on good authority that one of the tippety top designers goes back and forth a thousand times before settling on the final decision… Her name rhymes with Belly Durstler. Not out here shaming anyone nor am I claiming I’m on the same level.
John Williams - five time Oscar Winner John Williams - once admitted in an interview that he couldn’t listen to his own compositions due to “all of the mistakes”. John Williams. Five Oscars. Jurassic Park. Star Wars. Some of the most iconic melodies in cinema history. Mistakes??????
And for awhile, I have been incredibly ashamed to admit this fact since I do help others with that same exact problem. How is it that I can walk into any space other than my own and immediately see it? It’s a magic trick really. I see the space and boom, it’s all there. I know exactly what should go on the walls, I know exactly where everything should go, etc.
Then when it comes to my own home, why do I get it so so wrong? I think the answer lies in the fact that I just have too many ideas and want to try them all because it’s my own home and I want to max out my happiness and satisfaction. There are some rooms that came together in a snap and then some others that took a few tries.
Nobody’s Perfect
That’s all. But keep reading if you need to hear more. Sometimes it takes a few times - neigh, a daily constant reminder - to let ourselves off the hook. I know I do.
Social media is a beautiful thing. Before social media, I wouldn’t have a chance in hell of reaching the kind of people I reach. Heck, you’re here because of social media.
But… social media definitely is a double edged sword in that we think we need to be perfect all of the time just like our favorite accounts. Some do show their mistakes and talk about them openly. I love Natalie Papier’s admission that she chose the wrong color for her foyer. After a year of “living with it” she decided to change it. She was very open about her seeming mistake and I applaud her for her candidness, willingness to try new things and then listen to her instincts when it went “wrong”.
One of the best insights I have ever gotten was from Head of Design at Revival Rugs. She told me “You have a good eye. You remind me of a designer I once knew who told me to start with something ugly. You get it.”
GUFFAW. At first I was a little puzzled — I had no idea that I had done that. In fact, I was trying to do the opposite. I was trying to make it look beautiful…
I nodded my head “Yes, yes of course. That’s exactly what I’m doing. You guessed it. I am a genius.”
This gave me a chance to reflect on my actual process that I didn’t know was a process. All of my life, I had been jealous of those people who could just effortlessly put things together in a perfect package. Whether it was makeup, clothes, social personas, etc., I was constantly in awe of the put-together woman/home. I could never figure out the secret.
So, I would attempt to “put myself together” as well in an often garish and overcomplicated manor. Like wearing ALL of my favorite clothes on free dress day or putting on too much makeup. I would constantly experiment with too many ideas, try too many things, overcompensate. And then in an exhausted heap, I finally settled on doing exactly what made me feel good about myself which was often an extremely uncontrived presentation.
Talk about a real “No place like home” revelation. It often take a lot of wrong ideas to get to the obvious one sitting right next to me.
Perfection is a moving target
The lesson in this whole story is that perfection is never a permanently fixed target — it’s constantly moving and changing because you are. So I’m here to tell you — give up the idea of “perfection”. Sure you don’t want to stare at a broken light socket and you should fix it (go ahead, I’ll wait here).
But this idea of a perfect design or a perfect home ultimately sets you up for failure.
Remember those people I was so jealous of in the past? I’m guessing you’ve had that experience as well. And guess what? People come up to me all the time and confess they think I’m their “put-together” ideal. Which is laughable, because as I’ve explained, I am anything but.
Which leads me to my other insight: You really can’t see yourself. You could be the most confident, effortless person in the world and still feel like everything about you is an accident or wrong. It’s not about being sure and 100% convinced everything is right. It’s about moving forward despite being uncomfortable knowing you might be wrong.
The same goes with design. Often, we are attracted the big fads because other stylists have made them seem so awesome. I’m not immune to these things either. Sometimes I mistake the spark I feel from seeing something I like in another person’s work and the spark I feel when I’m truly inspired. There is no wrong way to be inspired. In fact, the whole point here is to understand inspiration is a good thing. You won’t know until you’ve done it. There is no way of knowing beforehand.
Like the proverbial omakase of the universe, you won’t know until you get a mouthful of monkfish liver that you will absolutely dream about it daily and it will haunt your dreams. Or absolutely hate it and curse the day you ever tried it. Hint, I really like monkfish liver apparently.
Take for example, the disco ball trend.
I thought I would love this mirror. It was fun, irreverent and different. Plus it always looked so good in every other picture I’d seen of something similar. So when I bought it, I felt like it would just effortlessly fit into my fun, irreverent and different home.
It didn’t. I can still appreciate how it would look in someone else’ home, but somehow it just didn’t sing. I’m not mad at myself nor have I lost any confidence in my abilities to decorate a home. In fact, just the opposite. I have the confidence to say “I don’t like that. But I’m not afraid to try again.” I will try and try and try until I get it right.
Is it genius to not know what you’re doing and then through trial and tribulation morph and polish it into something that is attractive and authentic? I don’t know and that’s not something I can answer just yet. I am still in the middle of my design journey. Every day I learn something new. Every day my opinion changes. Every day I expand my mind to include more and more possibilities and throw away that which doesn’t work for me and appreciate everything else that does.
Cut to:
Main Bedroom Progress
Here’s what you’re seeing:
I added walnut veneer moulding and panels.
the white hands on black is NOT WALLPAPER. It’s a custom mural created by Kailee Collar with very specific notes from yours truly.
I plan on applying peelable paint to the map with one of the colors you see here.
There will be a long L shaped row of wall mounted walnut veneer IKEA cabinets
Headboard is TBD. Help me pick below!
Stay tuned for the finished product. I can’t promise it will be spectacular. I can promise it’ll be interesting. I’ll just say this once again:
Greetings, fellow design rebels! If you’re like me, you’ve had it up to here with those snooze-inducing showrooms that are more "museum" than "home". I'm flipping the script on home styling, and let me tell you, there won't be any rulebooks or tedious style history lessons involved. Just pure creativity.
Why do I rebel against the ordinary? For seven years, I meticulously crafted and refurbished homes solely for their resale value. I dwelled in a universe of beige, grey, black, and white. But in 2020, I reached my limit and gleefully abandoned all that for a fantastical realm of vibrant colors and delightful oddities. Dive deeper into my journey right here. 🌈🤹♂️🏡
My work and advice has been showcased in prestigious publications such as Architectural Digest, Better Homes and Gardens, The Zoe Report, Real Homes, and Homes & Gardens, among others.
I know that I'm not everyone's cup of tea, but then again, neither are you…
