I am the “real estate agent’s nightmare”… and I’m proud of it

A few months ago I posted this:

Audio credit: @juliacurated

And I got a whole range of comments. Mostly good, but some of them were a little outraged I would disrespect the real estate gods. Some went so far as to say I was the “real estate agent’s nightmare”.

At first, I was a little flummoxed. The thought of being someone’s nightmare was so NOT ME. I’m a little bit of a people pleaser. I still answer most of my instagram questions, even the really stupid ones, and just try to be as “nice” and as “helpful” as possible. The customer is always right, right?! Wrong.

But then I really examined that sentiment. I am the real estate agent’s nightmare. But why? Because I refuse to live in a white box until I ultimately sell my house for a minor profit to the next buyer? And I live in California. If I buy in the right market at the right time, I could make an even higher profit and why would I risk warding off those future buyers with my characteristically loud designs? And then I won’t have enough money to buy my next white box. And then I won’t be able to retire, because I haven’t bought enough white boxes and made enough profit so I can live in comfort until I end up in that other box (in the ground).

true and false: property ownership is a great way to make money

For the most part, it is true. If one is savvy and has enough property, you can make a profit. However, most people I know who operate at this level do that full time or already have enough wealth that they can buy and sell properties like Monopoly houses. But for the small time buyer — in other words you and me — playing this game is fraught with disappointment and disillusionment.

I’ll spell it out even more. I have bought and sold a total of 4 dwellings. This is how I got my start in interior styling. We would buy a slight fixer, fix it up and then sell it for a profit after 2 or 3 years. Enough people liked what I did, they started asking me how to do it and then suddenly my very simple black and white designs were much sought after by people trying to do the same thing as me.

The first two we bought made money after 2 years and a small investment. And the third? Well, the third was sold during COVID and we took a hit. We only managed to come out even but all that profit we had made in the first two purchases was lost. I learned a hard lesson from all of this:

The house always wins.

In this case, the house is not “the house”. The “house” is the Realtor Association of California and the State of California. The “house” are the realtors that make a profit off of each home sale. The “house” is the system of banks that offer mortgages at increased interest rates. Now I’m sure there are tons of success stories out there about incredibly resourceful house flippers that started with $2 and ended up with an empire, but that negates the point I’m trying to make. I’m saying it’s a rat race and not in the best interest of the average home buyer who just wants to buy a house and live in it for gods sakes.

According to OpenSecrets.com, the real estate lobby spent a total of $135 million. In fact, most California ballots are filled with initiatives started by the California Realtor Association. And most of the time, these laws are cleverly disguised as warm-hearted handouts to the disenfranchised and elderly, when in reality they are completely self-serving.

Realtors WANT you to sell your homes as often as possible. Ever hear the phrase “Starter Home” and “Forever Home”? Society has basically normalized the idea that the first house you buy is never good enough to live in for more than a few years and that you need to keep trading up until you can afford your “Forever Home.” This is a racket. It’s the same as the diamond industry perpetrating the idea that you need to spend “three months salary” on an engagement ring. Or that you need a wedding dress, and a honeymoon, and a giant wedding. I did none of that and I don’t feel like any less of a human being because of it.

Number one, realtors will profit off the sale if they are involved. Number two, this drives up prices incrementally so even if they are not directly involved, they profit off the comps. It is in their best interest to have these two things happen. Hence the $135 million in campaign donations, cleverly worded propositions, and advertising.

I’m not a conspiracy theorist… well, ok I DO believe there is a second shadow government that exists solely to communicate with the aliens, but that’s just fun to think about and I don’t take it seriously… but $135 million is a lot of dough just to make sure laws go your way. Granted, most of that money was spent to get laws passed during COVID and protect the real estate interest, but you cannot deny that the real estate agenda has really taken over home ownership and home design in general. Have you seen HGTV recently?

The Home and Garden Television Network has become more about buying and selling houses and not about decorating them. Even the decorating shows are about buying fixer uppers and then improving them. At the end, the perky VO likes to declare that IF the homeowners decide to sell their home, they would make X amount in profit because of the improvements (which is ridiculous because we all know a house is only worth how much someone wants to pay for it).

I am just as guilty as the next person. We had to sell our last home because we could not afford the sky high mortgage every month and all of our assets were tied up in the improvement and down payment. Even when I told people we couldn’t afford the house anymore, they exclaimed “But it’s in such a good area! You should hold onto it.” Yeah sure… I just would have to stop eating, driving, and never ever go on vacation for the next 30 years. And when we did sell it, we took a hit. So even being in a “good area” was not a magic talisman.

Selling our last house and not making a profit was a very difficult pill to swallow. I felt like a failure and a fool. I had believed in the hype and was so disappointed that I had put all that hard work and effort into a “sure thing” only to see it flop like so many HGTV house-flipping TV shows. Plus, and this was a major part of it, my father contracted COVID right when we sold and then died about a month after we closed. Going through that whole experience was beyond stressful. And to top it all off, we did not have a new house to move into so we had to move TWICE into temporary housing while we searched for a new home. But then, the real estate gods smiled upon me and we managed to find our current house.

I am in love with my house. From the moment I walked up to the door, I knew. I was home, but it was like no other home I had known (sorry I’m watching Sleepless in Seattle while writing this).

The people who sold the house to us were incredibly nice, sweet folk so I will never say anything negative. Also, we managed to buy this house in our budget and we didn’t have any bidding wars or anything. They wanted to make it as easy as possible for us, and for that I’m truly grateful. I kind of tear up when I think about how lucky we were to encounter such gracious people, especially during one of the most traumatic stretches of my life.

But it was pretty plain. In real estate standards, though, it was perfect. A perfect blank canvas for me to see my vision. And really, I completely understand why real estate agents like blank canvases. But selling a blank canvas vs. living in one are two completely different things. I told my real estate agent that she would not be hearing from me for a while — this would be my home for the next 30 years. And I was going to make that house my HOME for the next 30 years.

I learned a few things buying this house in particular: yes, location is important, but not in the way you think it is. Instead of thinking about buying a house in the “hot” up-and-coming area, find the area that is right for you. For years, we forced ourselves to live in cramped lots just to be in the trendy area. I never thought I would live outside of Los Angeles, but now that I’m here, I would never move back. I am minutes from my favorite hiking trail, 30 minutes from Malibu, and close to some of my favorite BBQ and excellent restaurants that DON’T REQUIRE RESERVATIONS. Living in a less-than-trendy neighborhood might mean less profit in the end, but if you’re relying on your home for your retirement fund, you’re doing it wrong. You can buy in an area that is hot when you move in and be totally run-down and undesirable by the time you are ready to sell.

Secondly, if you follow the first rule, even if your home is in a development or not very unique, architecturally speaking, you can make it your own. And that’s where I come in!

people in glass houses

I don’t think individual real estate agents are the problem. In fact, I really do respect the agents that helped me in my last debacle and led me to my current situation. They worked incredibly hard and made sure I got the best deal possible and were worth every penny of their commission. But don’t get me wrong — they are hustlers — and far be it from me to denounce that game. I see you, playerz. No hate here. I get it. You need to keep that hamster wheel going.

I especially respect those real estate agents that DON’T pressure their clients to repaint their homes in order to sell and DON’T pressure anyone into buying or selling when it’s not in their best interest. I love that your raison d’etra is to find your clients their perfect “Forever Home” in the first get-go and aren’t in it to make a profit out them every three years or so. I know what you’re up against and you’re a testament to your profession. I am obviously writing this article through the lens of my experience, which was cut-throat LA real estate and the lengths I went through just to make my home more appealing to make a huge profit. I was working with some very shark-like competition. The fact that you are out there warms my heart. Thank you.

But I’m a hustler, too. And my hustle is different.

First of all, I truly believe home improvement essentially enhances quality of life. And not just any type of “home improvement” - home improvement that reflects individual personality. The mere act of conscientiously selecting colors and decor items that make you happy does just that — makes you happy. I’ve done a lot of therapy, granted, but by embracing color and bucking societal pressures to fit into the white box, I have grown as a person and learned to self-advocate. I no longer follow trends blindly thinking that they are the key to a well-decorated home. I do me. You can read more about my spiritual development here: Put the “Me” Back in HOME

I also know that decorating your home and then perhaps freshening up that decor every few years is a lot easier than buying and selling your home just as often. Moving is stressful. In fact, it is one of the most stressful things that can happen to a person, along with divorce, death, getting fired, and childbirth. So why elect to do this voluntarily based on some notion that somehow it is a necessary life milestone or even profitable?

Let me boil it down even further: don’t move, redecorate. That’s it. If you don’t need to move or buy a new house, then don’t. Live in your house as long as you can and decorate it often. This won’t solve the housing problem. And if everyone practices this and suddenly stops buying and selling properties, it will definitely negatively impact those that have already invested their entire life savings and are mortgaged to the teeth on their current home.

But as individual, I’m giving you permission not to participate in the whole charade. You can sit this one out if you want. Chill back here with me and enjoy your home as long as you want and let everyone else scramble to find the mythical diamonds in the rough in the perfect neighborhood that will never depreciate in value. Screw the future home buyer. Throw up some wallpaper. Install that green and yellow tile. Paint that railing pink. They won’t like your decor anyway and will want to change everything the second they move in.

I am proud to be the “real estate agent’s nightmare.” That means I no longer am playing by someone else’s rules when it comes to my own home. I own it, just like I own my home. What I do with it is no one else’s business but mine.

Now that I have my platform, I need to start my own lobby! I’ll call it “Americans Against the Housing Crisis”.

Who’s with me? And who’s got $135 million to spare?