You just got the keys to your brand new home — neigh, your brand new life. Even if this isn’t exactly your dream home RIGHT NOW, it represents a new chapter, a new evolution, a new you. This might even be a sad transition… albeit you’ve survived to this point, but you’re going to make the best of this part and rise like a phoenix.

But there is one problem: the blank walls are doing nothing for your je ne sais quoi, to say nothing of the sad entryway and the living room is feeling a little more like a dying room. Sorry. I’m trying to be cute.

I get it. I was once in that position, too. This is how I felt when I first moved into my current home.

It’s hard to believe based on the elation I show in the video but this is just one week after my father passed from COVID in 2020. That’s how excited I was about stepping into this brand new adventure. There was a very good reason for that…

My father and I were estranged for two years until a few months before his passing. I had gone “no contact’ with him and my mother after he drunkenly endangered our lives on Thanksgiving. My family then gaslit my husband and I into thinking it was “no big deal” and that it was actually us that were the dangerous ones and yet also way too sensitive at the same time. It was after this incident, I felt this strange feeling that maybe my parents were toxic and I would be better off no longer communicating with them. And then the virus hit and I had this other strange feeling: my dad would possibly be vulnerable due to an autoimmune disease he suffered a few years earlier, and so any time left would be best spent trying to get that closure that no amount of “no contact” can repair.

I didn’t get it, the closure I mean. Most people suffering from NPD are incapable of any real admission of guilt, but at least I was able to see his personality disorder for what it was: nothing to do with me. It was kind of amusing how perfectly he fell into the traits that define it, almost like watching a textbook definition come to life. And also kinda chilling. But it still hit hard when he passed. Mostly because I knew the moment his monitor bleeped to a long flat note, my life was my own and I had to make the most of it, no matter the consequences.

And what kind of life would it be? I was ashamed that I hadn’t listened more to my instincts and followed my innate talents. I more or less had just focused on what was immediately attainable and not “gone for it”.

I had this gnawing desire to express myself via my home. I mean, hell, even while I worked a very demanding, fast-paced job in the entertainment industry working 7AM-7PM for basically very little money, I still devoted 8PM-12PM and weekends renovating houses and advising clients how to achieve their desired look (also for very little money). I just couldn’t shake the bug and hide my natural love for all things tile and wallpaper and paint and window and kitchen and rug related. So why was I tamping it down? You psychology majors already know the answer, I bet.

ANYWHO. That’s a long-winded way of saying the moment I got MY KEYS was also the signal of transformation, so I’m right there with you.

Thank you for reading through that very personal and intimate tale. Hopefully that resonated! But now let’s get into the fun stuff:

what do I do first?

Wait.

That’s not very fun, is it? And no, waiting and not really doing anything else is pretty boring. So let me rephrase:

Observe.

Observing is letting the information come to you in a passive way. And this is what you need to do right now. Be passive. Do not force your home or your decor into something it does not want to be. The moment you start forcing a certain aesthetic or look, you’ve shot yourself in the foot. You end up with a black wall when it should be your favorite shade of pink. A kitchen with a useless peninsula. A bathroom that needs a bigger vanity. It might feel great at the time, but eventually the look will become ill-suited and feel “not quite right”.

Instead, I suggest observing your home in its natural state. Live in your home and take note of the following things:

how much light does each room get?
which direction does the light source of each room face?
are there any unusual nooks or crannies that can be used better or eliminated?
does each room function as optimally as it could?
where do you want to put the TV(s)?
do you actually need a dining room, formal living room or office? If not, what purpose would these designated rooms fulfill?
are there any weird smells, leaks or broken things that need to be addressed first? If they get fixed, is there something you can do to them aesthetically while in the process of fixing them?
what closets can you get rid of? What closets need to be added?

I would recommend this phase of observation to last no less than SIX MONTHS.

Yes. Six months. You can live in it for six months, provided it’s not a total tear down. I lived with a cockroach infested kitchen for a year (I got rid of the cockroaches of course), which made the renovation all the more sweet. And because I took my time, I was able to really plan the space to optimal utilization. I should have won awards how well I planned that space out, it was so optimal.

the algorithm

The algorithm is going to get you, as Gloria Estefan once sang (good luck getting that earworm out now! You’re welcome). The algorithm gets a lot of shit these days, but I love the algorithm. The algorithm has shown me things I didn’t know existed, shown me new world and introduced me to all new obsessions.

But don’t think the algorithm is control; you are.

When I first started pinning all those years back in 2013, my boards looked a lot like this:

And so the algorithm only showed me things that fit that mold; black and white rustic. It was not the algorithms fault that I had such bland taste. It was just doing its job.

Then I did something crazy. I pinned this:

This wasn’t black and white! This was vivid, life-affirming color! Slowly but surely, the algorithm began working in little pockets of color into my feed and I slowly but surely started opening up my mind to this bold new world.

Yes, I’m sure know ALL about this concept, but I want to encourage you: do not let your Pinterest be a mono-culture. Sprinkle in some surprises here and there and it will lead you to something magical.

Now, my Pinterest feed looks like this;

What’s the purpose of all this algorithm talk? This is the other part of the observation in Phase 1.

But let me warn you: do not be tempted to immediately apply your new found treasures to the plans you are making in your head. Just because that Mexican otomi mural looks great in the Pinterest picture, does not mean it will look good in your home.

The point of gathering information via Pinterest is to observe WHY certain designs work. The staircase in the above picture works because of many different factors. First of all, it is a circular staircase with lots of windows. It would not look the same on my staircase:

But what aspects could I replicate? Could I use the wallpaper? If not on the staircase, maybe I could use it in another way? I call this “Get the look without copying”.

The main point of using Pinterest is not to immediately redo what you find there, but to get the creative juices flowing and lead to another conclusion.

You can make your home anything you want it to be, but you must first pay attention to what it is and accept its limitations and true essence. If you have a traditional home and long for something moroccan inspired, what can you do to satisfy both worlds? Moroccan aesthetic is all about earthy textures, pattern-on-pattern, lounging, expressive tiles, atmospheric lighting. Don’t just take the first picture and copy and paste it onto the second:

Try and see both at the same time and appreciate them. Otherwise you might end up with this (which in my opinion is bad… sorry if this is your bedroom)

I think the problem is the dresser and the lack of curtains, honestly. Everything else is ok. It just feels so perfunctory, like “here is some stuff defined as moroccan thrown into a room.” And the fact the floor matches the walls and the rug. Oh well. Just my two cents. Don’t hate me. I’m sure there are other examples out there, but I think you get what I mean… do you?

okay, i’ve waited six months… what now?

Wait, hold your horses! We’re not ready to skip to that part yet. You forgot about the most fun part!

collecting shit

Or if you’re me…

COLLECTING WEIRD SHIT

By now, you’ve got your algorithm all fired up and popping out suggestions left and right. And you want to buy it — ALL of it. Don’t, but just keep note of the things that are super common and the things that are rare.

You see when I first started on my new Pinterest journey, I thought these were cool:

But then I saw it every-damn-where. Algorithm? Maybe. Baader Meinhof phenomenon? Sure. But I saw it popping up left and right and I immediately decided the market was oversaturated, much like the so-called Barbie-core marketing ploy that is happening as we speak.

So I didn’t buy the Nesso lamp, even though I coveted it O, so hard. Instead I searched for things similar that were equally cool. Like this:

It is definitely similar but not EXACTLY the same.

The lesson I learned here is that the algorithm delivered an idea and it was up to me to go a step beyond and chase down a more interesting alternative.

This is an important step if you’re like me: you want to create a home that is unique to you and not a carbon copy of everything else.

Now the other part of collecting shit is opening yourself up to inspiration IRL. Yes, you guessed it:

Thrifting.

This is what I hear every time I go thrifting and score something really special: “Oh I saw that and I just couldn’t pull the trigger.” This why I always get jealous looks at the exit from every single person I pass by… we as humans deny our natural instincts to jump on opportunity for fear of making a mistake.

My answer to that? Be fearless. Make mistakes. Let the moment seize you and purchase that giant wooden dragon that barely fits in the back of your mid-sized SUV.

How fantastic is he?

If I had let my second thoughts not lead to my third thoughts, I would have passed him up. I didn’t know where to put him, he didn’t fit with the rest of my style, he was expensive. Sure, I could live without it but I also kinda can’t, if that makes sense.

You see, it was the adventure of doubt and then self-assurance that I admire when I see him. That I listened to my little tiny whimper of an inner instinct and said “Fuck it. That dragon is mine.” You need a little of that in your life and so does your home.

Re-imagine your collections

Do you already have a treasure trove of stuff? If you’re lucky and said, “Yes”, congrats. You’re already ahead of the game.

But your collection belonged to your old home and you can’t see it any other way. The problem now is how do you take your hard-won trove of whatevers and show them off in your new space?

You’ll have to do the unthinkable… literally re-imagine them. Yes, you might be tempted to take your antique plate collection and put it in a china cabinet, but why not try something new? Put them on a wall! You barely use them anyway, and you can always take them down to use if you are ever in need.

Another favorite I’ve seen are glass vases. The temptation is to line them all up on a credenza and - voila - instant decor.

Don’t. Instead how about this? Get a glass or acrylic enclosed box coffee table and put them on display INSIDE. You can still see them everyday but now they are fresh and new!

why collecting random stuff is a priority before purchasing the big items…

I’m glad you asked. I’m not saying you should sit on the floor for six months before buying a sofa. But if it is possible… can you? Or at least sit in some very comfy IKEA lounge chairs that can possibly be repurposed?

What would you rather do? Pick a big ticket item before finding out your style and realizing you missed a big opportunity and/or you actually want it to be moved to another room and no longer fits…

Or getting the RIGHT sofa for the right room?

I know this is a big sacrifice, but you risk a potential expensive mistake if you make a move to fast. I know I did.

I purchased this sofa:

For this room:

This was an expensive mistake FOR SURE. But I needed a TV watching sofa. I just needed it.

But i need a sofa, too…

But let’s say you just need a sofa like right now, like I did. Well then, you’ve got to supercharge your algorithm and get that baby firing.

First, let’s asses how fast you need it. Do you need two weeks from now or can you wait 2-3 months? If you need it like RIGHT NOW, let me introduce you to Facebook Marketplace and Chairish.

Or if you’re ok with consignment prices, head over to your local CURATED vintage shop. My faves in LA are Popup Home and Sunbeam Vintage. They are pretty reasonable and have some fabulous sofas!

Next, look for MODULAR sofas and stick to something that can easily blend in with other decor. I advise getting a modular sofa just in case you need to move it around lest you change the entire layout of your room.

Here is the order in which you should purchase items, as recommended by yours truly:

sofa or bed for a bedroom
art
vintage items / specialty items
lighting
wallpaper
coffee table
chairs
everything else

I get it. You want a pink sofa. But girls and boys who want pink sofas need to wait and see if it will work with their other stuff. Or fuck it. If they have a pink modular sofa, get that damn thing! And send me pictures because I’ve never seen one in the wild.

As for making sure it will fit in with the rest of your decor, you’ll figure it out. Because remember:

You are a phoenix rising from the ashes and this is your time to live and decorate on your terms.

The next lesson will be putting it all together and how to previsualize. Get ready!

Is there anything else you would add to this? Please let me know below!! Or let me know if this was helpful or not helpful. Tell me! I can take it.

(hides behind my keyboard)

Read This Before You Start Decorating your new Home